Hookers & Priests
I've got a novel idea. Since all these priests keep molesting young boys (and sometimes girls) why don't we get the hookers to dress up in little kiddie outfits and head on over to the rectories so God's chosen ones can get their rocks off and not corrupt the impressionable minds of the youth of today? Father John and his friends surely get enough hand outs during mass from neighborhood citizens, right? Hookers will get paid for doing what they do best and the Holy Fathers will keep their communion giving hands off the pre-pubescent.
Maybe the new Pope, Pope Benedict XVI, will read this and take heed to my suggestion. He did pledge to work to unify all Christians and reach out to other religions.
But as a good little Christian, I did my research. This new Pope is a huge conservative. Naturally. Granted, to a secret heathen like me anyone devoted to serving the church is a huge conservative, but he's been dubbed "God's Rottweiler" and "The Enforcer", not to be confused with the late great Dale Earnhardt Sr. who was affectionately known as "The Intimidator."
No, the 78-year-old, 10 language speaking Pope Benedict (who is an accomplished pianist) participated in the Nazi Party as a youth in Germany, belonging even to "Hitler Youth" until he was drafted into the army. Benedict has since condemned his Nazi ties, but still holds antiquated views on homosexuality, the ordination of women, and lifting the celibacy requirement for priests. He has denounced rock music, dismissed anyone who had tried to find "feminist" meanings in the Bible, and last year told American bishops it was appropriate to deny Communion to those who support abortion and euthanasia. He seems unfit for the most pressing issues he faces: priest sex-abuse scandals that have cost the church millions of dollars in the United States and elsewhere, chronic shortages of priests and nuns in the West, and calls for easing the ban on condoms to help fight the spread of AIDS. A ban on condoms? What?
So I highly doubt Pope Benedict will heed my church box suggestion on hookers and priests. I doubt he will come through with his unification plan either—not when he is alienating the youth of today by being in discordance with our beliefs, but at least we can have faith that he is really old, and may not live that long to uphold his incongruous values.
Maybe the new Pope, Pope Benedict XVI, will read this and take heed to my suggestion. He did pledge to work to unify all Christians and reach out to other religions.
But as a good little Christian, I did my research. This new Pope is a huge conservative. Naturally. Granted, to a secret heathen like me anyone devoted to serving the church is a huge conservative, but he's been dubbed "God's Rottweiler" and "The Enforcer", not to be confused with the late great Dale Earnhardt Sr. who was affectionately known as "The Intimidator."
No, the 78-year-old, 10 language speaking Pope Benedict (who is an accomplished pianist) participated in the Nazi Party as a youth in Germany, belonging even to "Hitler Youth" until he was drafted into the army. Benedict has since condemned his Nazi ties, but still holds antiquated views on homosexuality, the ordination of women, and lifting the celibacy requirement for priests. He has denounced rock music, dismissed anyone who had tried to find "feminist" meanings in the Bible, and last year told American bishops it was appropriate to deny Communion to those who support abortion and euthanasia. He seems unfit for the most pressing issues he faces: priest sex-abuse scandals that have cost the church millions of dollars in the United States and elsewhere, chronic shortages of priests and nuns in the West, and calls for easing the ban on condoms to help fight the spread of AIDS. A ban on condoms? What?
So I highly doubt Pope Benedict will heed my church box suggestion on hookers and priests. I doubt he will come through with his unification plan either—not when he is alienating the youth of today by being in discordance with our beliefs, but at least we can have faith that he is really old, and may not live that long to uphold his incongruous values.
posted by Michele at 1:22 PM
0 comments
