Whoa, Man!

The moment I realized I was dating a guy who was also dating someone else was a weird one. I was twenty-three and been with Joe LaDouche (my sister's play on his real last name) for about seven months. I had suspected something wasn't right and I found a number in his wallet. (A snooper always finds what she is looking for.) I wrote the number down and called it. When a woman answered, I introduced myself as Michele, Joe LaDouche's girlfriend. She said, "What?" I repeated myself, and she told me to hold on that her sister was on the other line and she had to get off that call.

She came right back and what could have been a verbal cat fight turned out to be one of the greatest moments, where two women came together in a situation that could have turned them against each other.

Her name was Bernice and she didn't know Joe had a girlfriend. She was pissed he had two of us. She told me that Joe, a pizza delivery guy, was going to come over her house after he got off of work. She wanted me there too. So I went.

Bernice was beautiful. She had deep olive skin and super short hair that showed off her perfect cheekbones. I possessed no hatred for her. We were quite different in style and look, but we had Joe in common, as well as the desire to call him out on his betrayal.

Her plan when Joe was to arrive was different than the one I would have orchestrated, but I was on her turf, so I complied. I was to hide in the closet until he came into her apartment. She was going to start asking him about me and it was up to me when I wanted to pop out.

When I heard Joe respond, "She's my crazy ex-girlfriend who won't leave me alone," I opened the door with the question: "Your ex-girlfriend?!"

He was startled, started heading for the door, and shouted, "You bitches are crazy!"

Yes...we were, but Bernice then took out a bat and blocked him from leaving. She demanded to know details—the why, how could he—but it really didn't matter. Bernice wanted nothing to do with him and neither did I—she and I had formed a bond perhaps far greater than anything Joe and I experienced in those seven months. We were women, being women to each other.

She didn't hit him with the bat or anything. He left shortly after. Her first words to me were: "Are you OK?" Then we counseled each other on how we both deserved better.

Today I was encountered with a similar situation—not involving me, but someone I love more than life itself. The other woman was nothing like Bernice...in fact, woman is too good a word.

I thanked her so many times all those years ago, but this experience made me think of her again.

Thank you, Bernice.