Real Knitting Circles
I’m reading the August issue of Real Simple where my friend Valerie has a great piece on sewing for all levels called “A Stitch In Time.” In the Life Lessons section, there is a piece by Merrill Markoe, who I have (embarrassingly) never heard of before. This terrific piece on spotting narcissists (and dealing/coping with them) is full of everything I love about the style of my favorite writers. Turns out, Markoe used to be a writer for Late Night with David Letterman and other similar shows. (I’ll forgive her for her workings with Michael Moore, but it was pre-Fahrenheit Moore so….) She’s also a novelist and is a contributing bloggist on Huffington Post.
Here is a snippet of her piece in Real Simple:
What is a narcissist? Any time you find yourself living inside that classic cartoon where two people are dining and one says to the other, “Well enough about me—let’s hear what you have to say about me,” your narcissism alert bells should be ringing.
Narcissists are people who cover up shame and self worthlessness inflicted during their own screwy childhoods by doing whatever it takes to maintain the false sense that they are very special and therefore not bound by ordinary rules. This requires them to surround themselves with people who will continually pump them up by agreeing with them about everything. …“Feeding their grandiosity.” Narcissists, because they never fully outgrow a phase of infantile behavioral development, essentially live in a world that is one-person big. Therefore, when a brilliant, charming, elegant, and grand narcissist honors you by allowing you into his or her very elite cadre, it is kind of like being annexed by an imperialist country. Your borders have now been erased. The subtext of all future interactions will be “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine. Welcome to a world where there is no you.” When you are with a narcissist, his needs must become your needs. It’s not enough for a narcissist to be the center of his own world; he must also be the center of yours. If you are not mirroring him or praising him, you are proving you are a separate person, and thus a threat.
…How did I get in the middle of this stupid fight when I am not even angry? The answer: I am probably hanging out with a narcissist.
[Solution]…Maintain emotional distance.
-More in the issue.
Tidy. Smart. Thought-provoking. Silent, but loud. Nuance. Love it.
Here is a snippet of her piece in Real Simple:
What is a narcissist? Any time you find yourself living inside that classic cartoon where two people are dining and one says to the other, “Well enough about me—let’s hear what you have to say about me,” your narcissism alert bells should be ringing.
Narcissists are people who cover up shame and self worthlessness inflicted during their own screwy childhoods by doing whatever it takes to maintain the false sense that they are very special and therefore not bound by ordinary rules. This requires them to surround themselves with people who will continually pump them up by agreeing with them about everything. …“Feeding their grandiosity.” Narcissists, because they never fully outgrow a phase of infantile behavioral development, essentially live in a world that is one-person big. Therefore, when a brilliant, charming, elegant, and grand narcissist honors you by allowing you into his or her very elite cadre, it is kind of like being annexed by an imperialist country. Your borders have now been erased. The subtext of all future interactions will be “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine. Welcome to a world where there is no you.” When you are with a narcissist, his needs must become your needs. It’s not enough for a narcissist to be the center of his own world; he must also be the center of yours. If you are not mirroring him or praising him, you are proving you are a separate person, and thus a threat.
…How did I get in the middle of this stupid fight when I am not even angry? The answer: I am probably hanging out with a narcissist.
[Solution]…Maintain emotional distance.
-More in the issue.
Tidy. Smart. Thought-provoking. Silent, but loud. Nuance. Love it.
posted by Michele at 8:20 AM
1 Comments:
I just read the Markoe piece in a copy of Real Simple that got passed my way by my best friend (wonder if there was an ulterior motive here...). A light went on. Unfortunately what the light illuminated is that my committed relationship of ten years is basically unsalvageable.
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